Friends?

[cinch]

I have a friend I grew up with. She has alot of problems. Divorced with no kids and no family. Both her parents are deceased and she literally has no one. she does have a good job that she's been at for many years. But she is always on the verge of losing everything. She is currently 2.5 payments behind on her home. Not long ago she totaled her truck and trailer. Trailer was paid for but she still owes something on the truck that insurance did not cover.
She has asked if she loses the home if she can move in with me. How can I say No when she has no one else? But I am very crowded now with my Mom here. Plus, several years ago she lived with another friend of our's and there were rumors going around that when she moved out she had stolen some things. I have no idea if it's true or not and don't know that I'd get the truth out of the other girl or not.
She says she could help me with bills but my Mother told me the same thing and hasn't helped that much.
This has really had me thinking and I don't know that she'd be happy here. It's very crowded, my mother is a pain in the ass and it'd be at least twice as far for her to drive to work.

[mart]

Tell her the simple truth !! You do not have the room for her and all her belongings !! The fact is if she didn`t pay her house payment where she is now,, what makes you think she would pay you ?? Most mortgage companies will work with anyone if they will talk to them !!They do not like to forclose because of the additional cost involved and houses are just not doing well now !! Suggest that she rent herself a place close to her work and save gas !! And if she has a good job what is she doing with her money if she is not paying her bills ??

[cinch]

For one person, even a good job isn't enough sometimes. I'm thinking she told me her house payment is in the $700 range, then she'd have utilities and insurance. She has a vechicle payment and insurance, with the wreck I guess she is making 2 truck payments.
With only 1 income it just adds up fast. What she'd pay me would come to much less.
But she varies between wanting to just give up and to keep fighting.
I had forgotten to mention,she has a horrible habit of taking up with men. Of course they always end up stealing from her. I already told her no men were welcome here. I can not afford anyone stealing from me.

[mart]

The smart thing would be for her to either sell her house, refinance it, or let someone take up payments on it !! Then either get a less expensive house through HUD or an apartment and apply for the low income subsidy !! But allowing her to live off you,and I bet that is what would happen, is no solution because she still will have no home and you will be stuck with her !! You couldn`t kick her out if you didn`t get along,,,she would have no where to go !! Helping her to help herself would be more beneficial to both of you !! Look at it this way,,,what would she do if it weren`t for you ?? She would survive on her own because she would have to !!
PS It wouldn`t hurt if you sat her down and helped her set a budget for herself and showed her how to manage her finances !!

[cinch]

I doubt she'd qualify for low income or HUD. I think she makes too much.
But once again she tells me she may have come up with a way to get the money to bring it current. 2 months later she will be back in the same situation though.

[mart]

I have known people that live that way !! It will never change because they have to have a crisis in their life to be happy !! Could that be the reason the situation keeps repeating itself ???

[moodygirl]

Originally Posted by mart

I have known people that live that way !! It will never change because they have to have a crisis in their life to be happy !! Could that be the reason the situation keeps repeating itself ???

Aren't we in a sassy mood today Mart? You are right about the complications and the potential problems if her friend moves in. Cinch you said she gets her gumption up and the next day she just wants to give up. When you live under constant stress and are trying so hard to keep yourself afloat, if something goes wrong, it will knock you down. Down so far it's like you're crawling on the side walk, trying not to scrape your face. Nobody wants to lose their house but maybe she does need to unload it. She probably doesn't know what to do. She's probably looking for a safetynet in case everything falls apart.

Being in a financial mess does not make you a bad person nor does it mean it was your fault. Maybe to keep the house in the divorce settlement she had to assume half the debt even though she might make less money (like I did). She may be stuck with a mortgage based on a 2 incomes (like me). Lousey health insurance and no health insurance can lead to you being covered over in medical bills. (like me) I certainly made financial mistakes; going clear back to picking a profession. So I have empathy for people in this kind of situation.

I would let her know you will support her and stand by her but as you said with your home situation it just won't work. Be encouraging that it will not come to her being homeless if you two put your heads together. There were 2 or 3 sentences in your post where you stated it very well. Tell her you will help her set some goals and help her explore what her alternatives are. As already stated, she needs to talk to her bank asap if she hasn't already. Many people are so embarassed & depressed they just don't call. They just let it all happen; thinking nothing can be done. Just help her get focused.

I think renting her house is a great idea! Let someone else make that payment. Maybe a first month's rent & deposit would help her catch up. She could rent something she could afford and get on her feet. Is she is paying credit cards & medical debts instead of her house payment, she needs to stop. She could go to consumer credit counseling and get the bill collectors off her back so she can pay her mortgage. If she can't work out a repayment plan with Consumer Credit Counseling, then she may need to look at bankruptcy. Even then she probably would get to keep her house as long as she can show she can make the payments (which she probably can without all those other bills). If she feels too guilty about bankruptcy, you can tell there is nothing to prevent her from repaying her creditors some time in the future if she is able.

I just realized the other reason I feel for this person. It's very scarey to be all alone in a crisis. My parents have been dead a long time and I have no brothers or sisters. Our family is really our safetynet in this world. Close family that you can go to no matter what. If your family is worthless or gone then you have to reach out to others, make your own family.

Good luck in breaking the news to your friend. You have to take care of yourself in order to help someone else. Humor always helps too.

[mart]

Didn`t intend it to be sassy !! But it seems that if this had happened to me I would have tried to remedy the situation not just let it continue !! And according to what Cinch said,, this is something that happens continually !! I have had two divorces,, I have been there and done that !!! I have just seen too many situations where friendships were lost over a "move in" !! I don`t think that any house is big enough for that !!!

[moodygirl]

Just teasing about being sassy, Mart. You strike me as a smart, savy person. Not everyone is. I don't know if this woman has a clue on how to get out of this or not. You pointed out all the pitfalls so well that I just tried to suggest ways Cinch could help with out her moving in. I already explained why I'm sympathetic to her plight.

[mart]

LOL !!! Guess I didn`t get this old without being a little sassy !!! And I will take that as a compliment !!! Some people just don`t want to get out of the situation !! They enjoy riding the wave !!! I know I read the other post about the neighbor !! Thank heavens I live in Texas !!